I miss those arms that held me when all the love was there

I know that he is shy and hasn't got much self-confidence. He once asked me, if I could tell what he is good at and I said "The best talent you've got is to make everybody laughing, even if they don't want to", but actually I meant just me. He made me laugh every single time I don't want to. And I am so thankful for that. I think he thought that I just searched for any compliment because he actually haven't got any talents. But that's not true! It was just the one thing I loved about him the most and I wanted him to know.
I know that he has got kind of a hard life, but you wouldn't believe that, if you'd meet him because he is like the happiest person alive. He never over-thinks anything and just accepts life as it is. Of course everyone has bad days and of course even he is scared sometimes, for example he is afraid of heights and he doesn't like swimming or roller-coasters and he isn't the strongest man, but he knows that it's okay and he talks about it and isn't ashamed of it. And that's what I like about him, he is an easy person to be with and I would really really like to tell him.
The problem is that I miss the opportunity to do it. There was a time when we were closer and we knew that we liked each other a lot, but I was too afraid to say it out loud and now he's gone. I don't really know why and maybe I will never understand, but I think it was too much for him.
I know that he would never think that I am sitting here in my bed, listening to sad songs, thinking about him the whole day and crying a lot. He would never believe it, if I would tell him how much and how intensively I thought about him the last 2/3 months, because he would never think that he could have such an effect on someone. He would never ever think of someone having dreams about him and waking up at night with a way too fast pounding heart and crying. But this someone exists and this someone is me. And I really don't know whether I want him to know or not, but it doesn't matter, because I'm good at hiding and I'll try to never lose my self-control again when he is around and maybe it's better for me and for him to think that I am totally okay with the fact that he suddenly lost interest in me and left me alone.